Patience

Life is a waiting game
So of course I always lost.
Because the concept of waiting had been removed from my mental;
It no longer existed.
See, my patience was exhausted long ago.
Massacred by broken promises and a severed heart
Always one step forward and three steps back, I
Now wear impatience like armour,
Waiting on nobody but myself.

The Lord thinks he’s funny.
As I prayed asking for guidance and strength,
To take control of my footsteps
For him to send me someone who was right for me in due time
But so stuck in impatience
only believing in part that he’d do it
Because who am I that I deserve
Love and happiness?
Who am I to actually wait and have it be worth it in the end?
Oh the Lord thinks he’s funny.
And he needed a good laugh
And he got it when he allowed me to fall for you
Trip over love, let go of everything I thought I knew and wanted
Miles away,
Complications arise on a day to day,
He pushed me into patience
Forced me into the waiting game that I dread
But since I love you,
See nothing but you,
I decided to wait.

So I’ll wait.

Because if love is patient
And patience is a virtue
and a virtuous woman I strive
to be,
I need to adopt patience, step into it and wear it,
Let it caress my skin, breathe it in
Let it become who I am.
I need
Patience.

So I’ll wait.

For as long as you want me to.
As you build yours, and I build mine
I will wait.
See I long for you,
I crave you
Body, mind and spirit
But I will wait
Until the day I get to have you;
To drink you in,
To call you mine.
Until the day
Our souls will intertwine together
As we become one,

I will wait.

And it’s hard enough to find someone you love-
Wholeheartedly, with all you have to offer
Someone you allow to see you naked,
Emotionally vulnerable…
Here’s my heart, it’s yours to have.
Here’s my soul, feed it.
Take all of me.
Take the best parts of me,
Take all the darkness and make it fade to light,
Take my loyalty, my protection,
My kindness, my honesty,
Let me bless you with all I have to give.
Let me plant love in you and watch it grow.
Let’s get high off of love and patience-
But to have that love returned
That is magical.

So I’ll wait.

And I’ll wait, and I’ll wait.

Even on days when I don’t feel like waiting anymore.
When waiting for you seems like time wasted.
That you and I
Will never actually be,
That the idea of us had always been great but that it stops there,
Always just a thought but never reality, I
Will cling to patience tighter
Sleep with it at night, hold it,
Pray to possess it even more,
Reminding myself that
nothing that’s worth it comes easy and nothing that’s easy is worth it.
And my God,
You in all your complexity-
Your stubbornness, your determination,
Your inability to fully see what you have and what you are-
YOU
Are worth the wait.

So I wait, and I wait.

I just hope I don’t get hurt
Praying on nothing but false hope,
Waiting on a dream that was mine and mine alone,
Only to find out that you chased yours with someone else.